By Gavon Laessig (BuzzFeed) Nancy Upton, the gorgeous prankster who satirized American Apparel’s condescending search for a plus-sized model with smutty and silly overindulgence photos, actually won the online contest! Then American Apparel acted all American Apparel and wouldn’t recognize her victory, even though she had far and away the most votes. Here are some more of the photos that lampooned the contest and won the hearts of online voters.
By Paul Krassner (Moronia) Politics: The electoral college will be replaced by a system where voters will choose the polling firm they trust the most. Rick Perry will copyright the word “Oops.”
Show Business: Angelina Jolie will legally adopt Brad Pitt. The Tea Party will become a popular sitcom. Capital-punishment executions will become a top-rated reality-TV series. The Taliban and al-Quaeda will be the final competitors on The Biggest Terrorists. Hulu and Netflix will merge as Netflu.
Fashion Trends: Arizona, Mississippi and Tennessee will refuse to recognize Leap Year. Prescription drugs will become children’s names, such as Ambien and Lipitor. Combination vibrators and insomnia cures will be invented, trademarked as Dildoze.
The Economy: The Supreme Court will download all corporations into embryos. Several million jobs will be created as Unemployment Insurance clerks.
International Relations: North Korea’s new Beloved Leader will allow almost 70 McDonald’s restaurants to open; he won’t allow them to sell any food. Saudi-Arabia will outlaw laughter. Iraq will become our 51st state. Products made in China will be increasingly pirated by American entrepreneurs. The most Christmas popular gift will be cans of pepper-spray in a variety of flavors.
Read the full story on Huffington Post.
(via Wonkette/Esquire/WND) This morning, Esquire‘s politics blog put up a fake joke post about WorldNetDaily’s Joseph Farah finally coming around and realizing he was wrong about President Obama’s birth certificate, and was pulling back the release of his hilarious fact-denying organization’s new book on the matter.
The joke here is that it goes against the very biology of Farah to change his mind of the face of glaring facts that disprove the various conspiracy theories that are his business. But because the goal of the news media today is not to report news, but to be the first to aggregate somebody else’s work, a few media people didn’t really read it and reported this joke as fact. This is, of course, yet another plot by the White House to silence Farah, he says.
WND founder and CEO Joseph Farah confirmed he never spoke to Esquire. “Never uttered these words or anything remotely resembling them to anyone. It is a complete fabrication.”
Haha, yes, that was the point!
He said, “The book is selling briskly. I am 100 percent behind it. This has all the earmarkings of a White House dirty trick – but, of course, only the Nixon administration was capable of dirty tricks like that, according to our watchdog media.”
UPDATE, 12:25 p.m., for those who didn’t figure it out yet, and the many on Twitter for whom it took a while: We committed satire this morning to point out the problems with selling and marketing a book that has had its core premise and reason to exist gutted by the news cycle, several weeks in advance of publication. Are its author and publisher chastened? Well, no. They double down, and accuse the President of the United States of perpetrating a fraud on the world by having released a forged birth certificate. Not because this claim is in any way based on reality, but to hold their terribly gullible audience captive to their lies, and to sell books. This is despicable, and deserves only ridicule. That’s why we committed satire in the matter of the Corsi book. Hell, even the president has a sense of humor about it all. Some more serious reporting from us on this whole “birther” phenomenon here, here, and here.
A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, “Pick me up.” He looked around and couldn’t see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, “Pick me up.” He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, “Are you talking to me?”
The frog said, “Yes, I’m talking to you.” Pick me up then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!”
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.
The frog said, “What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.”
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, “Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”
Moral: With age comes wisdom.
–Thanks to M. Arthur Hahn